Black Cloud
by CainDePark
Summary: - (CLEXA FAN FIC) - Clarke and Octavia fight to save the ones stuck in the mountain. Follows after 2x15 and continues to the life of Clarke after the battle in Mount Weather. (it's gonna be a long story 30 chapters. VERY DARK, SEXUAL AND TWISTED)
1. Chapter 1

**Clarke's POV:**

Octavia and I attacked some of the guards that opened the door to feed the reapers. We took the guns they had on their belts, and their name tags. We had been silent with one another, after she had yelled at me for trusting Lexa, and jeopardizing saving our people. I felt sick even thinking about Lexa, about the betrayal, and the fact that it was only Octavia and I to fight the unknown dangers inside Mount Weather. Octavia held the door opened, and shuddered. I looked at her and she smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes. She was sorry about something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I turned from her and took the first step in MT. Weather.

We got in, and saw bloody hand prints on the white walls. The cold air seeped out of the walls, and the wrapped me like a blanket, leaving me cold to the bone. I felt sick, and the granite walls called me, singing to me in an odd way. The walls called memories of the past to me. I found myself thinking about being on the ark. The grey made me think of Lexa's eyes, and the way a fire burns out and turns into the grey that Lexa's eyes hold. The way I get lost into them, and find myself thinking of us together after this. I shuddered and then I had to think of the the last moment I saw her and she told me "may we meet again." I had to push her from my mind, because I was getting distracted. I dragged my fingers along the wall, perplexed on how I made it out alive, and why I was back here. We could have been fighting with Lexa and her army, and instead we were royally fucked, and betrayed.

"Clarke, over here" Octavia whispered, as she looked into one of the doors. It was Cage's control room, left unguarded. Perfect, I thought. We could watch the cameras and see what was happening! I smiled a half lipped smile at Octavia and tried to silently opened the door. We couldn't see in the door fully, so we were prepared for anything.

We crept in and I saw one guard lazily lounging on a chair, with his feet on the desk, cap in front of his face. It was clear he was asleep, vulnerable. Seeing him so unguarded made me lose all my basic normal primal behavior left me. The calm, reasonable Clarke was dead and gone in this moment, and the animal was freed. I wanted to slit his throat and watch him bleed, I wanted him to suffer the weight I held on my shoulders, and the pain I felt in my heart. I wanted him to die. Octavia pointed to him, and put her fingers to her lips as to tell me to be quiet. She tried to mouth something to me but I didn't catch it.

"Walk around him, Clarke" She managed to whisper to me from across the room. Octavia's eyes were fixated on the control panel that had all the camera's views on it. My eyes went dark, and my blood boiled. My eyes were stuck on the man in the chair, and I had my eyes on my prey. I wasn't going to let this man free. He wore the outfit of the Mountain Men, he would suffer the death with them as well. My lips smiled a dark, sadistic smile and I grabbed the man and threw him to the ground in one swift movement. He barely saw what was happening, and panic flashed out of his eyes like a light house.

"PLEASE, DON'T HURT ME, I CAN HELP YOU" he managed to spit out, with great difficulty. I put a blade to his throat and grabbed his face and made him look at me.

"You can't help me, you're already dead." I said with disgust, and slit his throat. I watched the panic that shone out of his eyes turn to ghostly faint nothing. He was gone, and I had erased his light. I had become a blood driven monster, and nothing was going to stop me. Nothing. Octavia let out a strangled noise and I turned to her and she backed up.

**Octavia's POV:**

I felt angry when I saw Clarke run into the tunnels, alone, without Lexa or Lincoln. It had just prove my suspicion, and Bellamy's about her eventual betrayal to our sky people. Lincoln once told me not to trust someone with eyes that danced at the sight of blood, and I finally understood what that meant when I looked into Lexa's eyes. She was a poison that I couldn't understand and maybe that's what scared me. She got closer to Clarke, and manipulated her with the eye's of a monster. I saw Clarke, and simply was disgusted. She let her heart blind her of what had to be done, and now we were practically on a suicide mission to save Bell and the others.

After yelling at Clarke about Lexa, the bomb, and Tondc I felt ashamed in myself. I could tell she felt hopeless, and disappointed in herself because her actions were opposite of the Clarke I had come to know. She was being reckless, as if she didn't care if someone caught her. She wanted to be free of all her burdens. Hopefully this was the way to slay her demons. When I saw Clarke looking at Lexa without her noticing, I thought she was simply studying the Commander, to find out her weaknesses. Every time I caught Clarke looking at her, she looked embarrassed, as if she didn't realize her eye gravitated toward the Leader. When Lexa looked at Clarke, she almost looked like she was memorized, lost in time. I felt sick, and shuddered when I came to the conclusion they might have actually genuinely loved each other. I opened the door, and looked at Clarke and felt so guilty for what I had said to her, and she looked back at me, trying to figure out my motives. Clarke wasn't stupid. She took the first step in the Bunker.

We got into Mount Weather and the smell of rust overpowered me, and stunned me for a second. I looked over at Clarke and she was more focused on her hand on the grey walls then the blood that was everywhere. What had gotten into her? She was clearly distracted, not even in this world, lost in a memory or thought. I looked into a room and called her over to me. It broke her from dream land and she ran over and whispered something about the cameras.

I opened the door and we crawled in, I was scared there was a guard by the wall we couldn't see and they would shoot us as we came in. I held my breath and to my relief, there was a guard sleeping in the chair by the wall that was hidden. I whispered to Clarke to avoid him, and continued to around the room. It was overwhelming for someone who lived under the floor. It was huge, and I remember a story that Bell told me about the guard post room, and how all the guns hung on the wall. Was this how the Ark felt to the others, because I couldn't help but feel like an alien. It didn't feel like a place I could live.

On the left wall was full of cameras and and on the north wall it held tables of battle maps and odd statistics written everywhere. I looked back into the camera and saw was was written "LEVEL 5" in the corner and saw Bell being beaten by a guard. My stomach dropped and I was livid. I heard a bang behind me that raised every hair on my body, my breath felt knocked out of me, and I turned to see Clarke holding the guard with a knife to his throat. I couldn't speak, my mouth dry, frozen in fear.

I didn't even have time to stop her, before she slit his throat. I opened my mouth but a strangled cry came out of it, and I lunged to throw Clarke against the wall.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING, THEY WILL KNOW SOMEONE DID THAT CLARKE, HOW COULD YOU RISK OUR PEOPLE LIVES" I said viciously. I couldn't let her know I had been afraid, I had to be strong. I looked into her eyes, and saw the Clarke I know fade. Her bright blue eyes had become dull, and lifeless, and I shook her. "GET IT TOGETHER, GOD DAMMIT WE'RE ALL COUNTING ON YOU"

She looked at me and simply said Okay, and I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I let her go and pulled out my knife and hid behind the door. War was coming, and I had to be prepared to kill, unlike Clarke, who was waiting blood the second Lexa left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Clarke's POV:**

Octavia was obviously bothered at the way I took out the guard, but it had to be done. She threw me against the wall, hope in her eyes, trying to shake what had become out of me out with her motions. Her nails dug in my arm and it was uncomfortable position to be in, so I said okay so she would release me. I heard footsteps coming from down the hall and Octavia pulled her knife and hid behind the wall. I smiled to myself, hoping for another guard to take out. I looked at the blood on my hands, and it reminded me of the blood on Lexa's face the last time I saw her.

"Helbig, come in, the Reaper tunnel was opened and we haven't gotten a report back. Confirm your men, over" Cage's voice screeched through the walkie-talkie of the man I had killed. The footsteps in the hall stopped suddenly, and Octavia looked at me. The enemy was right outside the door, and Octavia didn't move a muscle, she wanted them to come her her. Like a spider to the fly, a grounder tactic she must have picked up from Indra. She was about to strike when the radio blared again.

"HELBIG, COME IN, ASAP, OVER" Cage yelled into the walkie. He was obviously upset that his guard was being so irresponsible. I slide over to the walkie, to turn the sound down when I looked over at the door that Octavia was hiding beside. I tried to be stealthy, for they could probably see me through the hole on the door, but I didn't care. I wanted them to come and attack me, I wanted bloodshed. I had the right to lose myself. I saw the 2 men outside the door, and a familiar feeling came over me. It was Monty and Jasper.

"MONTY, JASPER" I nearly shrieked at the sight of them. Octavia jumped, being in hunter mode, the loud yell made the world come back into her eyes. She jumped to the door and pulled them into the room, hugging them so tight. I looked at Jasper, who had a large cut on his face, and he looked horrible. Sleepless bags under his eyes, and he was obviously under weight. Guilt took over me, knowing I could have taken him with me when I left, but he didn't trust me. I was trust worthy, had I not proved my self to the 100? I was angry, and I had to shake myself. What was getting into me? I ran to the 3 and shared a group hug before getting back to the plan.

"It's so good to see you guys, Octavia you look so badass" Jasper said, in sure awe. He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled at her, holding her gaze. He always had a thing for Octavia, and it was cute to see an innocent human interaction.

"I've had plenty of incidents to push me to being so bad-ass." She retorted, looking at me. It was an obvious bash at me, but I ignored it. We needed to save the others.

"We need to get to level 5 guys, we need to take out Wall-" I directed the attention back to me, and Monty cut me off.

"Wallace isn't the master mind as much as Cage. He captured everyone Clarke, I don't know what to do. He has Bellamy, Kane, Rave, Wick, your mom, and all the others" Monty looked at the ground, at the guard and almost gagged. He looked back at me, white as a ghost.

"Yeah, Clarke has been on a blood-lust." Octavia still looked me in the eye, bashing me when she could. I brushed her off once again and turned to the cameras. I tapped my fingers on the desk while the others spoke and tried to make a plan. I tuned out their voices and plotted. I turned back at them, after watching the cameras and figuring out the weakness of the enemy. I smiled as I spoke, and was please in my plan.

"Maya is hiding for us on 4 with a couple others, but we have to take out Cage first, he's got all our friends on 5 and he's drilling into them for marrow" Jasper said sickly. He put his hand on his heart, obviously worried for Maya. He had grown for her. I felt bad for him, because Maya wasn't going to get out of here alive without Marrow, and I'll be dead before I let her have our marrow. I looked at the ground before looking at the group, my thoughts were starting to scare me. I was seriously becoming dark.

"So I have a plan. We get off at level 4, because if we were to go straight to level 5 it would be a massacre. We go to level 4, see if we can find any of our people, and climb the vent to 5. After getting to 5 safely, we start taking out guards and getting our people back. Make sense?" The group just looked and me and all nodded. "Good, let's get going" I said, picked up Helbigs radio and walked straight into the hallway to the elevator. I was on a mission, and Cage was going to pay.

**Jasper's POV:**

I put my arm on Monty, scared when I heard Helbig's radio go off. I looked at him and whispered. "There are guards in the control room, give me your gun" I was about to go in the room until I heard the walkie again. Monty tapped my shoulder, and I jumped. I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and that was a bad thing. I peaked at him over my shoulder.

"He's probably sleeping or on patrol, we should be quick" Monty whispered and I nodded. I put my hand on the door, and looked into the small window on the door, heart beating quick. I looked in and saw a blonde woman crouched over what looked to be Helbig's body, and before I could identify the blonde, she called my name. Holy shit, it was Clarke! I was about to open the door when Monty and I were pulled into the room by a woman dressed in all black. Octavia! My heart sung, it was a glorious moment to see the two of them.

"It's so good to see you guys, Octavia you look so badass" I spoke in pure awe. She looked so hardened, much like Clarke who was eying me like a hawk. Octavia pulled us into a hug, and it felt so amazing to have a quick reunion. Clarke walked over and joined the hug. Octavia and I spoke, catching up and Clarke turned to face the control board. She had been almost cold, as if we didn't matter to her, only the mission that laid ahead. Clarke turned to tell us her plan, and she spoke like a robot. The emotion had been wiped out of her voice, and the passion that I had loved was gone from her eyes. I felt for her, wanting to hug her and ask her what had happened. I looked over at Monty, and he could read my mind. He shifted awkwardly, telling her about her mom being captured and Clarke didn't even flinch. Her eyes remained dark, and emotionless, like a zombie.

I looked at Octavia who glared at Clarke, but I don't think Clarke even saw it. She just walked into the hallway to the elevator, without even breathing. So robotic Clarke had become, and I just looked back at Octavia who followed behind her. I noticed Clarke was wearing the Commander's gloves and was confused, because the leader wasn't with them.

"Hey Clarke, where's that grounder leader that had an army? I heard Cage talking about some deal, but I don't see an army with you. What happened?" I asked confused, but ultimately intrigued. She stopped in front of the elevator, and Octavia looked at me with big eyes and nodded no before Clarke turned around.

"What, what's wrong?" I said confused once again, looking at Octavia.

Clarke slowly turned to me, and tooked me dead in the eye, with a pain in her own. It was the first time I had seen anything emotional-like in the blue ocean eyes.. "Mention Lexa to me again, and I will cut out your tongue." I stood stunned, as did Monty when the elevator doors opened and she walked in with Octavia. Octavia simply chucked and said and I told you so under her breath. What had happened to the leader that was so warm, where did the Clarke we all loved go?


	3. Chapter 3

**Octavia's POV:**

Everything went by so quickly, it was like the world was whipping past me, and I was crawling. Jasper and Clarke took out all the guards on level 4, and Monty and I rallied all the guards. Clarke seemed to be happy with all the killing, because she was smiling and humming when we all met back up at the elevator, and Jasper looked mortified, almost green faced. Clarke laughed and looked over at Jasper and put her arm around him.

"Listen buddy, I've killed 5 and you only killed 1. Catch up!" She seemed to be having fun, and my stomach churned.

"This isn't about having fun Clarke, it's about saving your people." Maya snapped. She didn't like Clarke from the sound of her tone, and the way Clarke was handling the weight on her shoulders was obviously bothering everyone else. I stood up for her, and instantly regretted it. I should have been more careful on the way I chose my words.

"Leave Clarke be, she's been through a lot. She's got demons to slay in this place, and weight on her shoulders that you couldn't imagine" It had been a sincere comment, but Clarke must have taken it as another bash towards her, because she lost it.

"You know what Octavia" Clarke said so wildly I feared her. "You can take the others to safety. I'm going to go find Cage and kill him with my bear fucking hands. Hopefully that will slay my demons, and maybe then you can stop blaming me for trusting Lexa, and what happening in Tondc." She spoke with pure anger, and venom and stormed off towards the vent that led her to level 5.

"Should we follow her?" Monty asked concerned, looking at the way Clarke went. I didn't know what to say. The group looked at me like I was the new leader, and I felt queasy and was at a loss for words. I wasn't good at making decisions, and if I made the wrong choice and Clarke was hurt in the process, I would be devastated and feel guilty for the rest of my days on earth. It's only until you're placed in a position that other person can handle that you start to appreciate and understand why they chose to act or chose the things they did.

I was good at being Octavia Blake, not Clarke Griffin. I looked back at Monty and the group and found my words. "We should follow her, she's on a destructive path and we can't let it consume her like it did Finn." I said firmly. I wiped my eye, Indra's war paint smeared and started walking to the vent when I heard Monty whisper to Jasper.

"What happened to Finn? Christ how much have we missed?" The words brought back that they had been in the mountain so long that they didn't know the horrors that happened outside of it. I didn't want to be the one to spill the beans about Finn, or Lexa being a traitor. I would leave that for the others to tell them. I was lost, I had no clue where the vent was so I turned to Maya to lead the way. Jasper kept asking me all these questions about Clarke, and the ark and I just shot them all down. I wasn't going to play catch up at a time like like this, I had to train my mind. Calm it and clear it. Indra did teach me a few things.

I wonder if she would consider me her second after I had freed my people from Mt. Weather? Could she accept me back after I had defied her? Surely I was her best, I tried so hard for her to accept me, and I wanted to make Lincoln happy. It made me sad to think of him, because I didn't know if he was okay, or where Lexa took him.

We got to the vent and everything was after that was a blur.

**Lexa's POV:**

We marched to the Capitol, where my people would celebrate the new found freedom, and broken alliance of the Sky People that now rendered us free. Indra walked beside me, quiet. It was a change of character, for she was always badgering me about the way I treated the Cloudling of the Sky People, or how lenient I was becoming. She feared our people would take it as a weakness, and challenge me for a spot at being commander. She always had plenty to say about someone or something I had done, but she was as quiet as a mouse. I looked at her, and Indra was perplexed about whatever was churning in her brain, bothered by a riddle she could not solve.

I heard the cheers behind me, the chants of my name. I wore my mask well, I acted proud of the defiant act I had made against the Sky People, but I was aching inside. I looked at the beaten forest path ahead of me, and tried to focus on the trees. The leaves that were bright, vibrate and the air that smelled like fresh rain on a summer day. I couldn't stay focused because I could hear Lincoln cursing me over the chants of my name. I had sold my soul to the devil, and all for what? For the un-guaranteed survival of Clarke Griffin, no matter what the situation, and my people back.

At the time, it seems like the best option I had. We were going into war, any many of my people would have been slaughtered in the process, and I could not guarantee that Clarke would come out of this alive. In this deal, it insured that no more of my people were harmed, something that I could never of foreseen. It also meant that the woman that I was falling in love with could live another day, and figure out a way to save her own people. I looked over at Lincoln, who was trying to fight his way out of his chains, and at Indra who too was trying to focus on the path that laid ahead of us.

"Speak Indra, tell me what is on your mind" I said with concealed curiosity. She glanced at me before returning her sight in front of her and I could tell she was trying to find what was on her mind to speak about.

"Octavia Blake is no longer my second, Heda. She defied me in the tunnels, so I cut her loose. She stayed to fight for the Leader of the Sky people." Indra sounded somber. She cared for the sky girl, and spent a lot of hours into training her. I could see it was her dismay and worry that was shining through. I nodded, looked ahead, and raised my chin before I spoke.

"She is no longer your concern, Indra. You will do best by erasing her from your thoughts and worry on how we will rebuild Tondc. Raise your head, Indra. You are a leader, just as much as I am." I grimaced at my own sentence, realizing I was projecting my own thoughts to Indra. I missed the closeness of Clarke, her wheat colored hair, and her fiery passion that made me weak when I looked at her. This deal made me much more disillusioned about what emotions really were.


	4. Chapter 4

**Lexa's POV:**

The long hall was filled with children, warriors and the rescued kin from the mountain. It was a sight to see, the laughter, the warmth of the room, filled with appreciation and happiness and of course fresh mead and the finest tobacco in the 12 regions. I looked around the room to find Indra, to share a toast with her, but my eyes couldn't find her. I motioned for a second to come to my throne and he shuffled over, unimpressed that I had summoned him whilst he was drinking and embracing his lost lover, Echo.

"Yes Heda, what can I do for you" he stuttered, swayed, and then tried to balance himself and act sober. I smiled, remembering all the times I had done my guard post intoxicated. The times Anya had made me run the forest on scouting missions, knowing I couldn't see straight. I looked at Lycee and his drunken demeanor made me smile wider, but it became a frown. I looked him in the eye and tapped on his shoulder. I would find Indra myself, I didn't want the boy to lose out on his time to rejoice. I had taken away enough from people.

"Lycee, go back and take a seat with Echo, you drink a pint for me, yes?" I said with wry tone. He nodded, a little stunned at my mood change and didn't stand for a second longer before he went off to his seat at the table. I got up, carrying the smile I had on earlier. outside, and walked out of the long hall into the the cool summer air that washed over me like misty blanket. It was refreshing, and I felt like I could finally breathe fresh air, and be freed of the emotions I was so keen on hiding. I walked around and I scanned the camp, nodding at those waving at me and finally I saw Indra by the water next to my tent. I walked over quietly, wondering why she was standing by the water, so still, as if she was imitating the current.

I walked over, and she took a glance at me, did a curt nod and returned her gaze to the water. I took a step in the water, and sat on a rock that held my weight. I sighed, as I clued into what she was staring at, because I too had been staring at the sight at the edge of the river. I had come here before the festival, before I made a speech in front of my Tri Kru, lying about how proud I was for betraying the Sky people. Just at the edge of the river, if you squinted, you could see M.T Weather. I sighed once more, putting my hands in the water and washed off my war paint, revealing someone I rarely looked at; Lexa.

"Lincoln is gone, Heda. He cut his ropes and is seeking out the Shakriu. Shall I send out scouts to kill him?" Indra spoke slowly, apathetically, trying to hide her real feelings towards the subject. I knew she had set him free, but I wished Indra had confided in me before she had cut his ropes. I just nodded, not looking up at her, but knowing she could see me clearly.

"I know you set him free Indra, and you will not be punished. I know you want him to make a choice, the Tri Kru or the Shakriu. As do I, and with his choice he can not come back, Indra. I will be merciful this time, for you too are bearing loss. But betray me again, and I will have you share Gustus's fate." I looked down at the water as I spoke, watching the way my face moved with every word. I looked somber, and the words I was speaking was not reaching my eyes. I looked spiritless, like I was missing a part of me, and that gutting realization made me miss the blonde leader even more than I had allowed myself, and it almost made me tear up.

I looked back up at the Mountain, wishing I could see Clarke on the other side of the body of water, to know she was okay. To see the blonde beauty that sparked my very being. I pondered on how she would react had I gotten up, and raced to her side. I wondered if she could ever forgive me, if Clarke could ever understand why I made the choice I made, and look past it. Clarke Griffin believed in me, and that was something so rare, so precious, and I hated myself for ruining that.

I hated that I was a commander and I had to put my people ahead of myself, my happiness, my future. I only had one future, and that was protecting my kru, and leading my kru to greatness. I skipped a rock along the water, watching every bounce and ripple in the water. I tried to become memorized, paying extra attention to the way the water sounded when the rock skipped the water, but I couldn't. I was spiritless, and nothing interested me, and the only thing I felt was the dance of agony that shot through every nerve I had when I took a breath, not knowing if Clarke was doing the same. I got up and looked at the Mountain once more before turning around to walk to my tent, when Indra look me in the eye and spoke.

"Lexa, I know you ache of the decision you made, filled and riddled with feelings of guilt, regret and anything else you may feel. Heda, know that** I** know you made it at a great sacrifice to save our people and end this eternal war. You will see her again, Heda. For better or for worse, your paths will cross again, and you will get the redemption you deserve. You saved our people, you bettered their lives, you deserve to get redemption, Heda." She touched my arm as she spoke, a reaction that I had not expected from Indra. She spoke with such hope, that it manifested into her eyes, and light me up like a beacon. I half-smiled at her, looked at the ground and spoke from my heart.

"_**Angry, and in love with her, but tremendously sorry, I turned away, leaving her to fight on her own. I don't deserve redemption, I don't deserve absolution-**__" _I paused, feeling gutted and vulnerable. I had just admitted my love for Clarke. Indra looked taken back at the confession, but remained straight faced and vague."-_**I don't deserve Clarke Griffin. **_Now scout the forest, find some elk, and feed the younglings._" _I put my head up, and walked to my tent holding my chest, scared my heart was going to fall out from the pain of pure heartache I had finally admitted out loud.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa's POV:

_Sleep was the one thing I looked forward to after the mess at MT Weather. After the conversation with Indra, after the festival, after betraying Clarke and seeing her eyes for the last time; I was stressed out. I knew that the waves of sleep would cradle me, and protect me from the monsters that attacked my thoughts. It would hide my emotions of guilt and regret, and replace them with seeing Clarke smile. I could create a world I looked forward to in my dreams, excited to visit. It was the only way I could be Lexa, and not have the burderns I did when I was awake. That's why I looked forward to sleep.. Little did I know that even sleep couldn't be done without Clarke by my side._

I tossed and turned in my cot for what felt like hours. The fur blanket making it too hot, the draft in the tent was making it chilly. I was unable to lull myself to sleep at the sound of crickets like I had done every night before. I had a million and one reasons to not sleep but It was the knowing that Clarke could be dead, or anywhere that made sleep unobtainable. Before, I was comforted by the thought that the beautiful ark girl was steps away from my tent. It made sleep enjoyable because I would see her when my eyes opened the next day. Clarke gave me what I needed to wake up every day, and I wasn't until now that it sunk in.

I rolled to my side and I stared at the table that Clarke sat at days before, trying to convince me to trust Bellamy, to trust her. I smiled at the memory, because it ended in a kiss, and I finally told her how I felt after bottling it up out of fear of history repeating itself. My eyes became heavy, and I conjured the kiss in my mind, replaying it over, and over again. I started to dream when something awoke me. I rubbed my eyes, and saw Clarke.

My eyes shot open, and I felt like I had been paralyzed. I saw her bloody face cut up, her eyes carried flames, and the blood of the boy she once loved stained her skin. I had seen this Clarke before, it had to be a dream. This could not be real.

She stared me in the eye with tears rolling down her face. I sat up, finally able to move, heart beating wildly, and nearly screamed. She looked torn, her eyes glued to mine, raised her arm and grabbed my shirt. I was winded with the action. She began to speak slowly, and it stopped my heart. I closed my eyes and shook my head hard to make the image disappear. It had only been a dream. It had to be. I slowly opened my eyes, heart still beating wildly, threatening to jump out of my chest with the sight of Clarke again, but when I fully opened my eyes, she was gone. It had only been a dream. Once again, I was alone in my tent, with only the sound my heartbeat in my ears and the wind that slapped the outside of my tent.

"You feel guilty Lexa, it was only a dream. Clarke is dead." I said out loud, fear making the sentence sound warped.

I laid back down slowly, trying to soothe the wild beat my heart was playing, unable to understand what I had just seen. My thoughts raced, wondering if maybe she was dead. The thought of Clarke not walking the same earth as I gutted me, and I nearly puked. The nausea was a sea that roared through my entire body, eating away at every cell and nerve in my body. I had to keep it together, and the guilt was eating me. I got up, walked over to my herb station and ate some herbs that would soothe my blood. I sighed, enlighten that I couldn't hear my heartbeat in my ears anymore, and walked back to my bed. I sat down and pulled the fur blankets around me and curled up on my cot.

I rolled to the other side and tried closing my eyes again, hoping my subconscious was done fighting me, and would let sleep touch my heavy eyes. I was starting to drift off when I was awoken by someone touching my face. I opened my eyes and was stunned. Clarke, who was determined to find a way to save us from Pauna was sitting on my bed. I was confused, looking around before settling my gaze on her, sitting on my bed. I reached out to touch her, to make this a positive dream instead of a nightmare. I touched her, gasped and she stood up. Her grin faltered, and became a sly half-smile. This wasn't right, this was a memory I had of her, this wasn't real. She was the memory of when we had been trapped in the cage of Pauna. I closed my eyes.

"You're dreaming Lexa, you feel guilty and are seeing Clarke out of that guilt. When you open your eyes she will be gone" I said slowly opening my eyes again, and she was gone. I sighed and wiped the sweat from my face when a voice startled me, raising every hair on my body.

"You know Lexa, you could of told me of the deal you were going to make. Unfortunately, now I'm forced to hate you." Clarke sneered, sitting at the table I had conjured her at earlier. I was so shaken, I couldn't believe my eyes. I needed to speak, but my mouth was so dry a word would crack my throat. Clarke laughed at the astonished look in my eyes, walking back to my cot, sitting beside me and cocking her head at me. She met my astonished eyes with a questioning look of her own. She studied my face, looking a mixture of concerned and suspicion, and held my eyes for what felt like an eternity. I tried swallowing, and my throat felt tumid. This could not be real.

"How are you here Clarke? Why?" I spoke, terror slipping through any attempt at a normal voice that I tried to portray. I didn't want Clarke to know how scared I was, how every hair on my body was standing and I was sweating buckets. I wanted to pretend I was still Lexa the Commander who sold her out to save my kru. The strong woman I was only hours ago, who only thought with her head and not her heart. The Lexa that didn't love her, but manipulated her, as the others said. I wanted to pretend, to be the heartless monster that I pretend I was but the Clarke that sat across from me challenged my concealed identity with eyes that held knowledge. Her sly grin changed, and she beamed at the words I had manage to speak.

"Lexa, I know what you did to save me. To save your people. I understand. I forgive you, stop fighting yourself Lexa. You did what you had to do, now stop fighting yourself. Look past the hate, and trust yourself. You aren't a monster Lexa, stop pretending like one. You're merciful, you're and gracious. You're not a savage like you pretend to be. You might of been in the past, but you have a choice. You can be better, you can be human Lexa. Don't be scared." Clarke spoke with pure sincerity. It was so unexpected it made my heart skip a beat and I grimaced at the beautiful Cloudling in front of me.

"You forgive me, just like that? Believe I can be so different? I am a Grounder. I was raised to believe this is the only way. I can't let emotions in, I can't be weak. That's not fear, it's preservation of self. I betrayed you. Left you to die without anyone, and here you are, daring to sit before me and say I can be human?" I said with disbelief. I was angry, angry that she wasn't angry with me. I had betrayed her, and here she sat, cool and collected. I was in pure disbelief. She reached her hand and touched my face, still trying to hold my eyes with hers. Clarke's hand was invigorating, calming and like clockwork, I felt relaxed and I felt filled with life. Her hand smelled like the earth, like the cloudling and I just closed my eyes, relishing in the fact that the miraculous woman who sat beside me, holding my face was Clarke. This was real.  
I had felt alone in my life, like I didn't belong in the world that I ruled. I felt angry that I was chosen and I had to act without emotion, for everyone I cared about died. I felt orphaned, without guidance to help pave the way I had to walk. I felt lost, like everything I had done ruined me, and every choice I made was wrong, but in this very moment, I felt different. I opened my eyes to the Cloudling and just smiled. I put my hand over top of her hand, and closed my eyes again.

In this very moment, I wasn't the Commander. I wasn't a Grounder. I wasn't on earth or in space. I wasn't in my tent, or in a home. I wasn't struggling to pretend that I was nothing less than a human wearing a mask, and being a savage. I was with Clarke, and she was the universe. In this very moment, time stopped, every thought I had ceased. Clarke was my salvation. She was my redemption. She was my home, she was my hope. Clarke Griffin was my** soul**.

"Lexa" Clarke whispered, and I opened my eyes, not wanting to ruin the moment with words. I didn't want time to continue and my life to resume. I wanted this moment to freeze and stay in this bubble. I had not understood the power of love, until this very night.

"Lexa" Clarke said again with more urgency, and I sighed. Life would have to resume.

"Yes Clarke of the Sky People" I said adoringly, trying to show her that I wasn't scared to show my emotions anymore. I wasn't scared of being human, or using my heart. I had chosen Clarke. Clarke made me feel human, made me feel powerful. I would do everything that I could to prove I was worthy of her love.

"Save me" Clarke's warm eyes began filling with despair. She started bleeding from her nose, and her shirt was soaked in crimson. I shook her, shocked, screaming for anyone to come and save her. She grabbed my face and it's like the life I had discovered was sucked out of me. "SAVE ME LEXA" She screamed and I blinked and she was gone. I looked down and my sheets were soaked in blood, and Clarke was gone.

I awoke screaming.


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke POV:

I chose to end the lives of every single person in that mountain, child and adult. For that, I couldn't go home to the camp. I couldn't see the faces of the 44 that I had lost myself trying to save.

Darkness creeps up on you, silent like the night sky. It clung to me, wearing me like a glove, invading my thoughts and my actions. I became a slave to the darkness out of pain and emotion, and it was the first time I finally understood how Finn must have felt.

I looked around at the trees, swaying in the wind, singing lullabies that could put you to sleep. I touched the trees as I passed them, the smell of earth was engulfing. The sunlight danced, calling my name and it almost felt like home. The green lush and sunlight welcomed me, and gave me peace and security with every step I took.

I needed to find shelter, as the grey clouds looked angry and swallowed the light that I was welcoming in. I looked around, and in the distance I saw a rubble wall with a doorway. I started to walk towards it, when I got an eerie feeling in my stomach, and the hair on my neck stood up. I began walking a bit faster, on edge and vigilant.

I was almost at the stone wall when I heard a twig snap from behind me. Heart racing, I turned and around and instinctively pulled out my pistol. Gun raised and cocked, I did a 360, eyes ready for whatever enemy would surface. Hands shaking, and finger on the trigger guard, I was a mess. I waited for what felt like hours, constantly shifting my feet to make a circle. I sighed, holstering my pistol and began walking back to the rubble.

I was just reaching the ominous stone doorway when I head a snap of branches right behind me. I tried to turn so fast that I tripped over the doorway, falling directly on my shoulder. I pulled my pistol and fired a warning shot, and waited for the intruder to come and end my life.

I waited, counting my breaths, slowing my heart, and waited without a slight movement. "It was probably just a rabbit" I muttered to myself as I picked myself up off the leaves and wiped the mud from my hands. I did a 360 once more, throwing my pack on a log, I examined the odd rubble place I had discovered.

There were carvings on the walls, and odd pictures I couldn't made out. The drawings told a story, and it reminded me of my cell in the arc.

It was a lonely, abandoned building that clearly suffered in the nuclear blast. Moss and vines rode the wall, and sunlight shined in place a roof should be present. Abandoned and broken, at one time, its builders took care to provide gentle arches to the door and window frames and thick cement walls constructed to withstand the tests of time. I decided it was safe enough to seek shelter and that I would set up my tent here.

I set up my tent in the corner of the 2 walls for protection and started a small fire to cook the rabbit I had caught in a trap earlier that day. I had a couple rations left in my pack, but I wanted to wait until I was back exploring the forest to have them. I looked around at the rubble and was mesmerized by the half crumbled building.

I thought about the people that built this place, how hard they must of slaved, and how beautiful it must of looked when it was finished. Looking around, sitting by the fire I had temporary happiness, but the walls loneliness rubbed off of me, and I started to miss the camp.

I missed conversation the most, the tension of words, or the happiness of a tone. I missed the way words affect people, and affected me. I missed having a companion by my side, someone to bounce ideas off and someone to help me de-juggle my foggy brain. I sighed as I still stared at the fire, thinking. I missed my mom, I missed Octavia and Bell, and I missed having hope.

My brain was full of thoughts and emotions I couldn't possibly analyze through by myself. My guilt for the 44 made it impossible for me to go back, but I didn't know the real reason I left. It was a gnawing thought in my head that told me to run, to find an answer in the forest. It wasn't until Bell and I were standing at the gate that I knew I had to follow it and give in. I had to run, and bear it. I had to find the answer.

It was starting to get really dark, and fear set in as I realized the warm, dancing sun had become a dark, sinister moon. I stepped on the ashes, and got into my tent. I opened the window to the tent so I could see if anyone, or anything approached me. I laid on the ground and put the pack where my head was for a pillow. I had a small fur blanket that Lexa had given me, and I threw it over me, underestimating how cold it would be at night.

I gazed out the window of the tent, at the moon reminiscing at the time Lexa and I slept on the forest floor after Pauna had attacked us. She stayed up all night, watching the forest to protect us, and watched me sleep. I smiled at the memory, at her saying I was safe when I was awoke by the screams of Pauna. Bringing Lexa to my thoughts soothed me, and I gave in to the heaviness of my eyelids and fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke POV:

**Bringing Lexa to my thoughts soothed me, and I gave in to the heaviness of my eyelids and fell asleep.**

I was dreaming of being on top of MT Weather, being free and one with the wind in my hair. I looked around, and I could see every single tree, and when I looked up I could see every single star. I raised my arms, imitating a movie I once watched and felt so free, it was overwhelming! I sat down on the peak, and looked to my left and saw Lexa walking up path towards me, with a beaming smile that made my heart pump into overdrive. I had never seen such a thing, and man, it was a sight to see.

I was so busy staring at her smile, I was startled to hear my name come from a male mouth. I looked around, and saw Bell walking toward me to my right, bearing a guarded face and a gun in his arms. He was sweaty, and obviously hurting from his concealed injuries. He stopped walking towards me, and was only a few steps away. He called to me, asking me to help him.

I was so confused and when I looked to my left, Lexa was also stopped a couple feet away, looking at me puzzled, asking me to come with her to Polis. I tried to speak to them both, but for some reason my lips were sewed shut, and I was frozen in place. I looked back and forward at them, their arms held out to me as if I had to chose one.

I was so torn that my mind was trying to make me choose one of them, and the more shocking aspect was I didn't know who I wanted to choose.

Bellamy was more aggressive in trying to get my attention, shouting my name and nicknames I had. Bell looked broken that I was even considering not picking him, pleading with me, pleading that my life would be misery if I chose Lexa. I thought about if I chose him for a moment, and I just felt sadness, and a void I couldn't explain. I wanted to help him, but I wasn't free to make that choice, instead I felt compelled to run to him and help him because I owed him and Octavia. He grimaced and angrily called my name again, making me want to take a step back.

I looked back over at Lexa who stood cool, calm and collected. She didn't speak but her eyes were the opposite of the composed demeanor she was trying to portray. They held a insecure amount of vulnerability, and it made my heart pound looking at them. I wanted to reassure her, run to her and kiss her insecurity away. As if she could read my thoughts, she lifted her face slightly, giving me a sly but playful grin, and I felt myself smiling too.

"You can't be fixed by the same person who broke you, Clarke" Bellamy's word stung, and brought me back from the alluring grab Lexa had over me. I looked Bellamy in the eye, and understood what he said was true. Who was I to think Lexa would break me again, or hurt me? Bellamy always tried to be by my side, and help me. I took a step towards him, which made him beam like a child.

I side glanced at Lexa, and she looked winded. I kept my gaze on her, waiting for her to plead her case and make it a fair fight. She just looked as vulnerable as ever, not speaking. I admired her, for her not speaking made it a chose based on my feelings, not on how someone could sway you with words.

I looked back at Bellamy and he looked crushed at my thought. "You know I'm not trying to sway you Clarke, I'm simply voicing my opinion out loud. Obviously the bitch over there just wants to manipulate you with her stupid smiles and glaces. I care Clarke, not her, and she wont protect you. She's vile, just like all the rest. Can't be trusted. You can trust me Princess, I care Clarke. Pick me, not her. She will ruin you." I took another step back, taken back at the venom in Bellamy's words.

"Clarke-" Lexa spoke finally "-I can't promise to solve all your problems. I can't promise I won't cause pain. I do promise that whatever you feel, whatever you go through, you'll never have to deal with it alone. Sometimes, the smallest things take up your whole heart. You hold mine. I want you to make this decision without being influenced by my words, to make it fair-" she spoke with slowly, making sure I caught every word and her eyes beamed into mine with pure adoration. Lexa continued "make this choice on what your heart sings Clarke. Don't be rash, don't be swayed on silly human words of malice. Look into our eyes, for that is the window of our souls. Pick from your soul to ours" She finished, raising her head proudly.

I was about to take another step in Bellamy's favour but when Lexa spoke I knew. Her words moved me and it stopped my heart. Just at her sentence I knew that I chose her. I looked at the pain in Bellamy's eyes, but all I see was anger and jealousy, but when I looked into Lexa's I saw adventure and growth. She made me a better person and I knew she would protect me with her life. She was my home, and wherever she went, I wanted to follow.

"We're perfect for each other. You're gonna figure that out someday, and you'll regret the choice you made tonight." Bellamy spit, looking to the trees. He couldn't be bother to see me walk into Lexa's arms. I had chosen, regardless of what tomorrow brought. That was the beauty of Lexa, even if it didn't work, her love made me hopeful and happy for my future. That was the love my dad had for my mother, and that's how I knew it was pure, regardless if she chosen to speak or not.

I walked into Lexa's arms, and she held me tighly, arms like my salvation, whispering something Trigedasleng in my ear. I looked into Lexa's eye's, and I knew that I would be okay. She raised her hand to stroke my cheek, and fear rippled her face.

"Clarke, run" is the last thing I heard and I woke up confused, excited, and slightly fearful. I rubbed my eyes, looking around at my surroundings. I was back in the tent, and the loneliness crept back in, filling the tent up. I sat up, looking out the small tent window. It was still dark, but the moon was setting. I opened the tent, and stretched. I walked to the log and sat, pulling out my water bottle and was disappointed to find out I had no more water.

I had seen a creek on my way to the rubble, so I would just back track there when light was on my side. I was about to light another fire when I heard a twigs crack, and voices a couple feet away. Instinct kicked in, and I got on the ground fast. Lexa taught me to use the elements as cover for protection, and I was gonna use the shade and leaves as my protection. I listened closely, and I could hear voices getting closer.

I couldn't make out what they were saying, it almost sounded like Trigedasleng, and my heart fluttered. What if it was Grounders? Would they take me to Polis, or would they attack me like man that killed Bryne? I decided to take my chances and face the grounders that were steps away from my tent.


	8. Chapter 8

**Lexa's POV:**

I awoke screaming, and it was a startling experience I rarely had. I awoke scared, and screaming the day I had been chosen for Commander. I vaguely remembered Anya telling me that I had to be a leader that would protect out people, and if I failed the people would die. I had to be a strong leader, or my life would be in danger. I had to make the spirits proud. It was a life changing moment, so opposite to the reason I had just had.

I was sweating, disoriented and angry. To dream of Clarke in such a manner of life and death was agonizing, and I hated being so weak that I let my brain materialize the Clouding that I had to forget about. I slowly got up, shaking the realism of the dream, and how Clarke was sitting only steps away from me. I decided to walk to the lake overlooking MT Weather, and clear my mind with the calm winds and cool water.

I exited my tent, hoping nobody heard my struggle in the dream realm. I looked around, and all was still in the city, the perfect moment of the still night. Soon the sun would rise, and I needed to be focus and prepared to face another day with the emotions I was carrying around, and act like I had none.

I walked down the narrow, off beaten path to a concealed part of the lake that I went to stare at the stars when I needed to wrangle my thoughts, or when sleep evaded me. I rarely swam other than when hunting for fish or netting, but I needed something extra to take the edge off my shoulders, and the refreshing water seemed fit.

Tomorrow was the day that the builder's and I would march to TonDC and rebuild what was destroyed. I also had to claim a house in the Capitol, something I constantly put aside for scouting missions with Gustus, Clan visits with Indra and exploring the lands with Anya. There was no real reason to put it off any longer, and Indra insisted with all that treachery and uncertainty that had become of our people in the last couple weeks, I needed stability in habitat other than my moving tent.

I took off my long sleeved, woven grey shirt and stripped out of my hide pants. I kept on my leg band that held my knife, in case I ran into any emergent situation that required force or protection. The earth felt good between my toes, and I slowly walked into the water, accepting the tingle it sent through my body. I was to my waist when I dived underwater, and focused on every beat my heart made in my ears.

To be completely submerged in water and effortlessly glide through the water, to have every thought and worry of the outside world gone? It's an exhilarating feeling. I was actually having fun, and I had completely forgotten about the nightmare of the beautiful blonde only minutes before. It was so rare that I had moments to myself, moments that I could be free and human. This was a moment to be cherished and remembered.

I was floating on my back close to shore when I heard moment in the woods behind me. Alert, I stood up, and scanned for any sign of life that put me in danger. I always was accompanied by a second, or warrior, so I had to be extra caution when I ventured by myself. My eyes locked on a small silhouette by the tree lining, and I spoke calmly but firm.

"Come forth and present yourself or I will kill you." My voice projected itself louder than I anticipated. A shaky, young woman walked to the bank of the water, looking rather embarrassed. I squinted at her, and raised my head, trying to remember how I knew her. She kept her eyes to the earthy sandbank, and I realized I must of scared her.

"You do not have to fear, for you won't be punished. You shouldn't lurk on the Commander late at night. What is your name?" I said, still squinting. She was very familiar, had beautiful sandy hair. The mysterious girl was slender, and had broad shoulders much like the features that Clarke possessed.

It was exhausting to not look at her curiously or suspiciously after the dream I had about her look alike. Instead, I put on my mask of indifference when she spoke.

"My name is Kaz, I'm sorry I was spying on you Heda. I just heard the water, and your laughter so I followed the warm sounds." She finished with a crimson flush on her face, still looking at the ground, obviously embarrassed that she had been caught. I walked toward my clothing, and shimmied into my pants with difficulty after being soaked. Kaz glanced at the event with concealed eyes, darting back to the ground when our eyes would meet.

Kaz still stood in front of me as I picked up my shirt, shooting more tiny glances at me as I wrestled into my shirt. Her eyes spoke of hidden desire, and curiosity. I sighed, as I leveled my gaze to meet hers, not interested in the emotions that her eyes burned of.

"Off you go Kaz, don't let me catch you spying again. Tomorrow is a big day for TonDC, go catch some rest" I said disapprovingly. She faltered awkwardly at my tone, and then projected it into her words before turning and walking down the path.

"I know you're without a courte, so if you find interest, I would love to be considered for your courtship, Heda." She flushed, met my eyes with another longing look, and sped off up the path.

I watched her disappear toward the Capital, and sighed into the air. I turned back to the water and took a seat on a washed up log. I stared at the slow movement of water, wishing Clarke was beside me, filling the night with chatter and teaching me silly terms she thought were important. I picked up a rock and watched the water ripple as I skipped it across.

The township constantly harassed me to find a woman suitable for marriage, but none of them met my standards, or made my heart dance the way I wished it to. Half the time women would sneak into my tent trying to seduce me, throwing themselves at me hoping it would finalize a decision.

I had never considered giving up my heart, and I had tried with a woman named Costia. She was beautiful local of the Ice Nation. I had come across her on my journeys with Anya, and accepted her plea to come to the Capital and re-locate there. I took her in, taught her what there was to know about the wood clan traditions. Costia showed interest, but she mostly showed interest in me and after some time, I claimed her for my own, something I had never done. It was a shock to the clan, but they accepted her forcefully because I was Commander. I had begun to trust her, slowly love her like she had proclaimed she had already felt for me the moment she saw me. One day, she was taken by the Ice Queen out of spite. She beheaded Costia, wanting to start war with our people, but wanting to lash out at me for taking her lover. Without knowing, I trusted Costia, and she had single-handedly betrayed 2 people.

Thinking of Costia and love made feel somber and spiritless. A feeling of emptiness and darkness I was becoming rather close with. I had abandoned my true love for my people, and that made me feel gutted.

I loved Clarke the moment she walked into my tent, arrogant but fearful. I knew at the very moment my eyes laid on the mysterious sky girl, that my life would change. I found myself gazing at her longingly, and mystified, emotions I never showed or felt. I wanted to open up to her, wanted her to know who I really was, but always was walled in by the fear of weakness. I was the Commander, and my people needed a strong leader. Around Clarke, I was weak at the knees and often speechless. Clarke held the world in her eyes, and it didn't matter that I had traveled most of it, looking into her eyes was like being dropped into an unknown territory, or a fish out of water. She taught me about things that she had learned in school, and on the ark. Concepts I barely grasped, but the way she passionately explained captivated my every sense, and made me hungry for knowledge. I found myself wanting to protect her every moment of the day, sending warriors to follow her, and often changing my plans because Clarke felt I was too harsh, or emotionless.

I wanted her approval, I wanted her to care for me, and not hate the savage she claimed grounders were. Every close interaction was like combat with the enemy, unpredictable and adrenaline fused. I wanted to claim her, grab her and simply kiss her out of love, and sometimes rage. I wanted to soothe her tears and pain about the choices she had to make, console her and train her to be a stronger leader like Anya taught me. I wanted to reach out and touch her soft skin, and let my fingers wander down her jaw line. Clarke awoken every emotion I had locked in a cage, and it shook like a wild, hungry animal every time she was near.

I heard a door open in the distance behind me, spooking me, and bringing me back to the world. I looked around, and the sun was rising, and I had to be in my tent before the alarm was sounded. I had been so focusing on recalling Clarke, and what her presence did for me, and what it made me feel that it made me forget I was by the lake. I stood up and began turning towards Polis when a red glimmer caught the corner of my eye.

I turned, facing the lake again to see a fire was burning in the distance. I was perplexed by it, being it so close to MT Weather, that I immediately became enraged, and sick to my core. Clarke told me that the MM used the bone in her people and injected it into them so they could one day walk among us on the ground. I was furious at the sight of the fire, knowing that whoever they were must of killed a Arkling to get bone marrow.

I ran up the path, nothing more than pure rage fueling my blood. I got to Indra's portable hut when I barged in, waking her.

"The Mountain Men are on the ground. There is a fire across the waterfront on the forbidden lands." I spat with pure venom. She was momentarily confused but quickly brought up to speed as to why I was projecting such anger. Indra too hated the Mountain Men, and she too wanted them to pay.

"What should you have me do, Heda" She sat up quickly, facing me now, slighly stunned from feeling the rage that was rolling off my body. I grinded my teeth, knowing I had told her that whomever walked those lands would be outcasted, but at this moment in time I didn't care. I wanted them to pay for what they did to the Ark people, for what they probably also did to my Clarke. Rage filled my every nerve ending, and it fueled my every thought at decision. It was a terrible way to handle crisis, and a poor example of being a leader.

"Send out your best warriors, Indra. Have them capture the assailant, and bring them here. _We will make them suffer, slowly."_


	9. Chapter 9

Clarke POV:

As I took a couple cautions steps into the risky and overgrown forest, my mind felt free. Every time I lifted my leg and took another step, I felt as if I was making the right movement into the right direction. Finally in forever, I made a choice and I didn't have a single second thought about it. I wrestled my thoughts while I searched for the voice I had heard what felt like hours ago, wondering if this is how Finn felt when he space walked. Like every step he took was dream-like and surreal, but also lifting and self-clearing.

My hand on the trigger of my pistol, I was ready for anything that laid ahead. My eyes caught a glimmer of something shiny and I carefully walked to it, trying not to make a sound. I stopped by the tree it was beside and knelt down to look at it and it was a contraption I had seen in MT Weather. My breath skipped a beat, and my heart started to beat faster when I had the realization that this could be Wallace's doing, and I bent back up so fast I felt faint.

I grabbed the tree for support and wanted to run back to the safety of my tent. I caught my breath, slowed down my heart and calmed myself. I had a mission, and I had to find Polis, with or without the help of the Grounders. I tied my hair back with a lace, something I only had done a few times being on the ground. The sun was beating down on me, and I knew with little water I had, I could get dehydrated quickly and become delirious.

I decided to put my jacket in my pack and sport the long sleeved grey shirt Lexa had given me on our march to Mt Weather. I cut the sleeves and was relieved when it became a breezy t-shirt with the wind. There was an odd pin on the front of the shirt, one like the one Lexa wore with her war paint.

I heard a rustle in the shrubs behind me and I jumped, trying to turn too quickly and ended up tripping over a branch. I smacked my head back on a rock, bit my tongue, and felt instantly dizzy and saw stars. A warm, crimson-like substance travelled down my forehead, and my head pounded. My cheeks were bleeding, and all I could taste was blood. I heard footsteps and words coming from the shrubs, I shook my head and reached for my pistol and panicked when it wasn't beside me. Everything was starting to blur.

Trying to get to my backpack that was sitting beside the tree, I tried to lift myself and was instantly grounded with pain. I put my hands over my eyes and pushed myself up, knowing that if these weren't grounders, I would be dead. I tried to wipe the mud off my face, and when I looked up again, 2 men stood before me.

They spoke in Trigedasleng, and I could barely understand what they were saying. I picked up a couple words, but one that stuck out was Heda. I looked up and them and tried to speak but I spat out blood. All I could muster was Heda. The larger one, resembling Gustus, laughed and kicked me in the stomach. I curled into a ball, nearly in tears, but I needed to fight. They were not going to kill me. After all I had survived, I needed to see Lexa one last time.

"So this escapee from the Mountain thinks she knows what Heda means, I say he kill her and bring her Corpse back to the Commander" Gustus's doppelganger spit in my direction and kicked me again in the face. He pulled out a small knife and cut my cheek, and I screamed. I could barely understand what they were saying, but I knew he thought I was from the Mountain. I needed to reach back into me and remember a word that would guarantee my safety. I struggled to get back up, but every time I tried they kicked me back down.

I tried to raise my hand to stop them, to tell them I was a Sky person, but I couldn't speak. It wasn't until I heard "_Yu gonplei ste odon Skum"(Your fight is over, scum) _I feared that they were going to kill me. I saw the smaller Grounder pull out his blade, and I closed my eyes, shut out the pain and sat up. Gustus's doppelganger grabbed me by the throat and raised me to my feet, obviously to kill me standing. I knew what I had to say, so I closed my eyes once more and used every ounce of my being to say my last words.

"_Ai laik Klurke kom Skaikru...- en ai gaf gouthru klir"_ (I am Clarke of the Sky People and I seek safe passage)I spat out blood with the last word, tears running down my face. I had taken beatings since day one of being on the earth, but today was one of the worst. I raised my eyelids with struggle, as the darkness was consuming me, and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. Gustus's doppelganger looked horrified, and took a step back. Before closing my eyes I spat out blood and lifted my head.

"Bring.. me.. to.. Polis" I sputtered, losing consciousness. Before I let my eyes into the darkness, I felt someone cradle me. I wondered if this is was death was like, like you close your eyes and accept the dream-like darkness.

I felt something cool wash over me, as if I was being dunked into water. I was once again in the darkness of a dream much like the one I had in the tent. I walked around the oddly dim-lit darkness, and i heard my dad calling my name behind me. I turned, and squealed as I ran to him, jumping into his arms. He spun me around, and all my worries washed away, and his arms were my safety, they were my home.

"Clarke baby, you don't belong here. You need to fight baby girl, you need to wake up" He spoke softly, stroking my cheek. I looked into his green eyes, and was confused. If I didn't belong here, why was I here?

"But Dad, why are you here? Why am I here if I'm not supposed to be here?" Still confused. I wanted the answers, but I didn't want to waste my time with him.  
He chuckled before answering, looking into my eyes with such adoration and love. I smiled, knowing Lexa gave me the same look, and I often caught her looking at me from a distance. He smiled before answering and grabbing my hand.

"Oh sweetie, so you're so unwavering like your mother. Always fighting to get the answers. I'm here to be your guide to whatever you choose. If you want to come with me, you can. If you want to go back to the world of living, I will guide you to the door. You're in a dream state Clarke. Your body will soon stop fighting, and you won't have a choice but to come with me, baby. I'm here to help you." He started walking and I followed, his hand still holding mine.

I wanted to go back, to make sure my people were okay. I wanted to see my mom, tell her I love her and I was sorry for everything I had done against her. I wanted to hug Raven and Octavia, for being people I could trust, and for being my best friends. I wanted to go back and see Bell, to hug him for being so brave and strong. Most importantly, I wanted to go back to see Lexa.

I wanted to stroke her lips with my finger, and kiss her defined cheek bones to her neck. I wanted to hold her, and just close my eyes and inhale her earthly smell, forgetting about the world around us. I wanted to argue with her about me needing protection, and fight the butterflies in my stomach when she looked at me like I was the world and nothing else mattered.

If I stayed, I would again lose my dad, a sinking feeling. He was my rock, always supported my every decision, and pushed me to fight to get what I wanted. Sadly, he was the only point I had to stay. I would be throwing so much away if I stayed. As if my dad let me have that thought, he began to speak.

"Baby, let me show you what you'll be leaving behind" He raised his hand and we were in the Arc on the ground. I was laying on the table and my mom was crying over my body and Lexa was standing behind her, with Bellamy.

"NICO, DO MORE. SHE IS WEAK, DO MORE. WE NEED TO SAVE CLAR..KE" Lexa's voice broke, and my heart ached. My mom looked at Lexa, and touched her shoulder, and Lexa looked outraged. She threw my moms hand off her shoulder and pulled out her knife and grabbed her throat. The guards pointed guns at Lexa and my mom raised her hands before sobbing.

"Lexa, she's gone. I can't do anything else, and I'm sorry. I know you're hurting, but killing me wont bring Clarke back.. shes.. gone" She started crying harder and Lexa wavered before lowering her knife. She put her arm on my mom, and my mom gave her the biggest hug. Lexa looked so shocked, obviously out of her comfort zone. She wrapped her arms around my mom and hugged her back, and the guards eased up. Bellamy threw my jacket on the ground and stormed out of the room, and I could hear the wails of people in the hallway. My mom muttered for the guards to leave Lexa with my body.

The room was evacuated, and Nico whispered something to my body, and touched Lexa's back before leaving the room. She looked crushed. Nothing I had ever seen or felt could describe the pain in Lexa's eyes. It's like her stone eyes cracked and became cold, and empty. She held my hand and kissed it. After a moment, a tear ran down her cheek, and it was the same painful tear she shared when she left me at the mountain.

"I should never of left your side, Clarke of the sky people. I betrayed you, and I will always live with that. The day I left will always be my biggest regret Clarke. I love you."

It was heart wrenching moment to watch. My dad put his arm around me, and wiped a tear from his eye. He looked into my eyes with such pain.  
"Lexa loves you like I loved your mother, baby. Her love consumes her, and fuels her every move. Every breath she takes, she thanks you for. You've given her purpose, you've given her light in the darkness. Loving you motivates her to a better human Clarke. You're her better half sweetie, and it doesn't get any more real then that." He turned me to face him, and we were back in the darkness, and the cool feeling was slowly leaving my body, and the more it disappeared, the more I felt lifeless and numb.

"Pick baby, do you pick life, or do you pick death" He cocked his head and wiped my tears. I hugged him tightly, crying. I didn't want to leave his side, but I had too. I didn't want to leave Lexa behind, I didn't want to leave my life behind. She was my life, and I hadn't lived yet.

"I pick life Da-a-ad." I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes. He smiled and took a step back and pointed to a white door. I was so drawn to it, it held such a glow that felt like my dad's arms. It felt like home and happiness. I took a couple steps towards it, and when I put my hand on the doorknob, life flooded every nerve of my body. Unexplainable happiness filled my every finger. My lips felt warm, and my body sang with joy.

I could hear the sound of a dead line on a machine not far from me. I slowly raised my eyelids, taking in the bright lights above me. I could feel someone holding my hand and I looked around to see I was in the Ark Medical Unit. Lexa had her head on my stomach and she was holding my hand so hard I thought my fingers were going to break.

"Le-xa, could you nnoot grip so hard, please?" I said with hoarsely struggle. Lexa popped her head up so fast I thought she was going to pass out.  
"Am I in a dream state?" Lexa said in such a skeptical tone it didn't suit her. I closed my eyes and smiled, happy that I was alive and she was finally by my side.

"Careful Lexa, people might think you actually cared" I barely finished the sentence before her lips were on mine. Home. Lexa's lips felt like home. Her lips belonged on mine, and they had warmth that only a home had. Her lips felt like something I was missing but finally found. They stitched every broken feeling I had and replaced it with hope. Her kiss was like a candle in the darkness, casting out all doubt and filling you with passion. Her lips were rough. They were vulnerable, unsure if they would ever touch mine again. Lexa's kiss held such emotion it left me breathless.

She screamed for my mom and Nico, and I grabbed her hand. Lexa jumped slightly, not use to all the touching and human contact but she didn't fight it. She held my hand softly, and pulled up a chair. Her beautiful charcoal eyes never left mine, and all I could do was smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke POV:

I felt like I was in and out for years. Every time I started to open my eyes and come back to reality, someone would sound my mom and she would put me back under. I could barley get a sentence out without being pulled back into the dark waves of sleep.

I started to open my eyes, hearing the slow beep of my heart rate. I didn't speak, hoping who ever was in the room wouldn't call for my mom. The lights of the Medic Unit stung, I wasn't used to the fluorescent lights, but just knowing I was alive made my body sing with joy. I slowly turned my head to see Lexa pouring a cup of water by the door that led to the hallway. Just seeing her, knowing she was still by my side gave me a mix of rushing adrenaline and wavering anxiety.

I wanted to get up, to talk to her, to hear her lovely husky voice, but I knew better. Lexa would signal for my mother the second she saw me move. I fought temptation and closed my eyes, listening to her footsteps get closer to me. My blood quickened and I could hear my heart beat start to race.

Lexa leaned into me, and put her hand on my face. She murmured something in Tris, bothered by my heart beat elevation. I wanted to grab her hand and hold her fingers between mine, but I had to stay still. She called for Nyko and hearing her voice made my heart race faster.

A bunch of footsteps entered the room, and I recognized my moms clack of her boots.

"Odd elevation, has she moved or come to at all Commander?" My mother asked cool and even tone. I could hear the stress creeping out of her throat, and I knew she was under a lot of pressure. This couldn't be easy, especially after the grounders betrayed the camp. Panic must of spread through the camp, or an uprising. Just thinking of Lexa being in danger made my stomach lurch, and I wanted to burst up and soothe my mother and hold Lexa.

"No. She hasn't moved since yesterday. I've watched her closely." Lexa said, exhaustively. My heart ached. She really didn't leave my side. This woman deserved more than a hug, and I couldn't wait to caress the wondrous sky girl.

"Hmm, well I can't sedate her if she's not coming too. It would be unwise and screw up her system. If she start to make noises or flutter her eyelids, call me. We can't have her waking with her injuries. She's Clarke Griffin. Knowing my daughter she would bolt outta here trying to save the camp on day one. We need her to heal. You owe her this much, Commander." She finished bitter. I twitched, annoyed, trying to also fight a smile. I know Lexa would be twitching as well, but her tone shocked me.

"Yes Abbey, I fully agree. I will alert you within a moments notice." Lexa said evenly, somber almost. It wasn't a tone that suited Lexa, being a woman who was super argumentative.

The footsteps left the room, and I could hear someone breathing deeply. It took everything in me to not peek, to see if Lexa was one of the footsteps that left the room.

"Lexa, we need to talk about Draju and Peta." The voice startled me, and my heartbeat skipped a beat.

I heard a sharp sigh, and someone shifted beside me and put their hand on mine. The warmth was familiar and I recognized the warmth. It was Lexa.

"We will discuss their punishment when Clarke is well. I will not be bothered by this again Indra, are we clear?" Lexa spoke with such firm authority, it made me melt. No matter the situation, her voice barley wavered. It remained strong, even at the worst of times, and filled you with such hope and drive. That was a true leader.

"Forgive me Heda. I hope to see you in TonDC at dawn for the opening. It's been a week, you can leave Clarke's side." Indra said with worry. Even with my eyes closed I could tell Indra's eyes were filled with concern for her Commander. She was a true friend, beside her duty as unit chief. Another high voice in the room startled me.

"With all due respect Lex- Commander, leave Clarke's side or not, we NEED to deal with Draju and Peta." Her voice rang with annoyance.

Lexa's hand tightened on mine, annoyed with her Chief's second. Her response humbled me, knowing I didn't deserve being the reason Lexa was being so merciful and lenient.

"Octavia" Lexa paused, rubbing my hand. It slowed my heart rate, and I became enchanted of the way her fingers felt against my skin. I could have fallen asleep in this moment if I wasn't so curious of her response.

"I will not deal with the actions of Draju and Peta until Clarke is awake." She resumed, slowing her finger on my hand to stay calm. "Clarke will be the deciding factor of the faith of them. I will not harm them, for what if she didn't agree? Clarke is a complex woman, one I have never met and one I only dream to understand. When she is awake, she will tell you what to do. Do not let your guilt for leaving Indra's side cloud your judgement on the lives of these men. If Clarke has taught me anything, it's to not be rash. So respect this, for Indra may have forgiven you and Lincoln, but I have my doubts." She finished coldly, obviously annoyed and tired of the prodding two.

"As you were Commander. We will ride to TonDC." Indra said quietly, and Octavia gave me a kiss on my forehead.

I took a breath, for holding your eyes closed when people were talking about you was exhausting. Especially when one of those people are the person you're in love with.

"Clarke, I know you're awake. You can open your eyes, we're alone." Lexa murmured into my ear. My heart went into overdrive, and I panicked wondering what gave me away. I slowly opened my eyes to see a very wearly Lexa peering into my eyes.

I instinctively put my hand to her face, and she gave me a sly smile.

The connection between us was something short of magic. It touched me in places I couldn't explain, and I knew I could spend every waking moment beside her, loving her. She was magic, and to look into her eyes was looking at heavens gates.

"How did you know?" I struggled to speak, not realizing the drugs made me dry-mouthed. My lips cracked and Lexa reached over to grab her cup. Her smile didn't leave her face, and it spread to mine so easily. She lifted my head and slowly poured the cool liquid into my mouth. I knew I shouldn't drink with the drugs, but I didn't care. It felt amazing to be somewhat more alert.

"I've been watching you for a week Clarke. I know when you come to the surface of consciousness. You roll your eyes and mumble odd things I can rarely decipher. You're truly a puzzle I enjoy." She spoke with adoration, and it just made me want to hold her. I dug my fingers into her hair, and pulled her closer. I needed to kiss this beautiful woman before me.

Taken back, she let out a low breath and looked at me with devilish eyes. I had given her something she craved, and like an addict she wanted more. I smiled, knowing I had made this woman of such power weak. It was warming, and sexy.

"How are things, how is the camp? My mother sounded strained, what-" Lexa cut me off with her finger on my lips. Her earthly smell wafted gently through the air. I held it in my nose for a moment, wondering if when I went to sleep I'd never smell it again. It smelt of home, and I was afraid to lose it. Afraid that showing Lexa love would end badly.

As if Lexa could read the fear on my face, she rubbed my cheek and answered my fears head on.

"The camp is fine, your people are safe, they are surviving well considering. As for mine, they grow restless of the commander whom isn't present. I must leave shortly to TonDC. I am a Commander Clarke, and as much as I love you, I must also serve my people. Delegating is my strong suit, but when it comes to you, I want nothing more then to step down and spend every waking and breathing moment with you. But as you know this is not me, and I know this. I was born to lead my people. I told you it takes as long as it takes, and when you are well enough I will come back and take you to Polis.. Only if that is what you truly wish Clarke. Do not get caught up into need, or lust. If your heart truly sings for me, I will answer your every call. Take this time to rest, get well and please, don't be rash. I once said love was weakness, and that remains true to this day. I felt so weak this past week, unable to protect you. The one thing I can protect you from is myself. As much as I yearn to be your heart keeper, I must warn you, I am cold. I am not a loving type, filled with care and happiness. I can not be as kind as you think I am. I am frightful I will not measure up to your expectations." Lexa shifted uncomfortable. I was stunned of her confession, and I slowly took it in, not wanting to answer right away out of shock. I wanted it to sink in, and really solidify my answer.

I looked into her eyes, and saw a swirl of emotions I couldn't name. I knew she was a Commander. I knew she was a grounder, and her traditions were different from mine. I knew she betrayed me, and I knew she loved me. I knew she was cold, but I knew she had a warm and loving side. I knew she had to be strong for her people, and I knew it killed her to be authoritative to me. I knew we would argue a lot, and I knew it would be hard. Hell sometimes I was going to wonder why the hell I chose her as my as she called it "heart keeper". I knew a lot of cons, and a lot of pros but the one I couldn't shake was that I loved her. Some might say I was being foolish, but when it comes to love, you never know. All you can do is blindly accept whatever comes your way. You just have to say yes.

"Lexa." I said firmly, and she nodded, looking hurt. I took a breath before saying what I had to say, and Lexa took it wrong. I could tell she thought I was going to tell her to leave. As if I could leave the beautiful woman who sat beside me. Regardless of what the past held, and regardless of what laid in our future, I loved her, and love was enough.

"Lexa" I said again, softer. She cocked her head, confused, but kept quiet. "I love you." I said with a smile. Lexa relaxed her rigid shoulders and grinned. She kissed my lips with such need, and vulnerability it screamed love. She trusted me, and I trusted her. If anyone asked me what magic was, I would say Lexa.

She raised to her feet, the grin remaining on her face and kissed my forehead and my lips a million time before heading to the door. She stopped at the door and just watched me for a moment. I smiled, heart acheing at the beautiful moment I would never forget.

"Just because we can live without something, it doesn't mean we have to Clarke." She said with adoration, and subtle joy.

"Come get me as fast as your horse can gallop." I closed my eyes, and for the first time, was excited to sleep and get better.


End file.
